Guest David Gomez

Advice on Girls thread

1,897 posts in this topic

whip out your magnum condoms and your wad of hundreds

or

Demonstrate Value

Engage Physically

Nurture dependence

Neglect Emotionally

Inspire Hope

Separate Entirely

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Why the hell do people post pictures of girls they are interested on the internet? I know the chances of her coming across it are virtually nil, but I think there is something weird about posting someone else's picture on a message board to ask for advice on how to get them. Anyways.

I've been really into this one girl at my school for about the past 3 months or so. When I say I'm into her, I mean that I would be all means love to engage in intercourse with her, but more than that I just like being around her because she's hilarious and always engages with me in some great conversations. However, she absolutely refuses to hang out with me outside of anything school-related. I've spent HOURS tutoring this girl for a class that she was really struggling with. I give her all my notes, recorded lectures, advice for exams etc. While studying we take a break and for awhile I get to experience what she's like when she's not talking about school. And I'm really into her.

It's not even like I asked her out "on a date". She refuses to come out with me and my friends because she's not so much into the bar scene anymore. Which is fine, there are other things we can do. But today I ran into her in the elevator and she said she was heading out to bar with her roommate. I guess that would be a hint that maybe she finds me annoying, or is just using me since I'm good at pharmacology.

But then sometimes I feel like there is a glimmer hope. She will text me randomly and say things like "ahh i have such a headache" or "i'm starving!". Maybe I'm reading too into it, but I feel that kind of shit is sometimes just an excuse to talk to someone. She also like touches my arm casually sometimes. Like I will say something funny and she will crack up and kind of touch my forearm for a second. It's just one of her mannerisms, she might do it with everyone, I'm not sure.

Another thing: she just got out of apparently a horrendous 5 year relationship about 6 months ago. Her ex-boyfriend is a psychopath. Maybe it's too soon and she just wants the single life for awhile? I wonder if there is a way around that.

That's all I have to say. Thank you.

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Ask her out on a date, you've got nothing to lose. If she turns you down you're in the same place you are now, except you're better off because you don't have to waste your time anymore. If she bails it's probably because of her ex boyfriend. I know way too many girls that don't mingle with other guys because they still aren't over their ex. She may just want attention and is leading you on to get. Take my advice though, go for it. I did the same thing a year ago (liked a girl but thought I had no chance) and ended up in a solid relationship.

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^ from a ladies pov

if she just got out of a 5 year relationship that ended horribly...she wants to be single. (more than likely) However her random texts about nothing shows she's kind of into you. Gain her trust...it might help in the long run.

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^ I agree.

Why the hell do people post pictures of girls they are interested on the internet? I know the chances of her coming across it are virtually nil, but I think there is something weird about posting someone else's picture on a message board to ask for advice on how to get them. Anyways.

Hahaha I also agree with this. I know I could never do it to a dude.

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So what's the deal about asking out a girl you work with? I've avoided it before, and kind of regretted it.

I work with this girl, and we awkwardly flirt all the time. She's from Canada, and about a month ago I mentioned in passing how much I like Smarties candy. She went home last weekend and came back with a shitload of Smarties for me(Delicious). When I pack up to leave, she packs up and walks with me to the Metro stop(completely out of her way). Last weekend while walking she kept saying how she had nothing to do over the weekend and wanted to go out in the city, I avoided it and just said talk to you later. It's obvious that there's something going on, but I work here at a small company where I'm new and still don't really fit in. I'm wary. You know, don't shit where you eat or whatever.

Maybe I just need some balls.

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Eep, I dunno if I could do it at a small company.

I like a guy at work though. But I'm at a big company and work on the late shift where I generally have to go out of my way to see people outside my department. I'm more concerned about the gossipy dudes this guy works with than having to run into him after it goes bad, haha.

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That's what I'm worried about. The company is a bit over 100 people, but she works with me in a more secluded part of the office with like 10 people.

But, I'm not planning to stay there very long.

Tomorrow the company organized a happy hour, and we'll see what happens if she comes.

Relevant:

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Ask her out on a date, you've got nothing to lose. If she turns you down you're in the same place you are now, except you're better off because you don't have to waste your time anymore. If she bails it's probably because of her ex boyfriend. I know way too many girls that don't mingle with other guys because they still aren't over their ex. She may just want attention and is leading you on to get. Take my advice though, go for it. I did the same thing a year ago (liked a girl but thought I had no chance) and ended up in a solid relationship.

How do I go for it? I mean, here is a girl whom I have asked to hang out with me and mutual friends, and she refuses to do that. So I feel like she won't be inclined to want to go on a date with me when its just the two of us.

And to be honest, I feel this girl is really awesome, but its kind of a shitty feeling when you think about the fact that you only see the person when they need help studying. And me, being really into this girl, always says to myself that its ok because I will get to spend some time with her, and perhaps maybe take it to the next level. But that never happens. I help her study, then the next day she sends me a text saying "I really want to take a nap" and then the following day she asks me when I'm going to be in the library. This has been going on for several weeks now and part of me feels like this frustrating cycle will continue itself unless I either a) flat out tell her that I'm into her (which from my past experience, is a recipe for disaster) or B just forget about her and move on.

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So what's the deal about asking out a girl you work with? I've avoided it before, and kind of regretted it.

I work with this girl, and we awkwardly flirt all the time. She's from Canada, and about a month ago I mentioned in passing how much I like Smarties candy. She went home last weekend and came back with a shitload of Smarties for me(Delicious). When I pack up to leave, she packs up and walks with me to the Metro stop(completely out of her way). Last weekend while walking she kept saying how she had nothing to do over the weekend and wanted to go out in the city, I avoided it and just said talk to you later. It's obvious that there's something going on, but I work here at a small company where I'm new and still don't really fit in. I'm wary. You know, don't shit where you eat or whatever.

Maybe I just need some balls.

Just be smooth about it. I learned that today.

I pretty much wrapped things up with the coffee date, and said "well, that's all I needed, I can get to working on the project", and she mentioned she was going to stay and do some more work. I looked at my clock and said "Well, I thought you might have had something else after this, and I guess I don't have anything besides this right now..." then I looked at her and she was just sitting down being all cute about stuff, smiling ,and then, regretfully, I added "but you probably want to concentrate on what you are doing, sooo...." long pause, she looked at me and she said "well David THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH for helping me with my project!" then she stood up and gave a huge hug. LOL

a few things I noticed:

-she got a call sometime during our meeting, and she said " Oh wow I completely forgot about that, that's what I get for triple-booking myself" (she is a busy lady, was my observation.

-a ring on her left ring finger, nice ring too, which sort of threw me off, she's around my age.

-How fucking pretty she was. She stood up and paid for my coffee when I ordered, she looked at me with pleasant eyes. I hope she likes how I look. (I've been complimented a lot in the past for my looks ;), I'm getting fat and with that, also more self-conscious though. :(

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So what's the deal about asking out a girl you work with? I've avoided it before, and kind of regretted it.

I work with this girl, and we awkwardly flirt all the time. She's from Canada, and about a month ago I mentioned in passing how much I like Smarties candy. She went home last weekend and came back with a shitload of Smarties for me(Delicious). When I pack up to leave, she packs up and walks with me to the Metro stop(completely out of her way). Last weekend while walking she kept saying how she had nothing to do over the weekend and wanted to go out in the city, I avoided it and just said talk to you later. It's obvious that there's something going on, but I work here at a small company where I'm new and still don't really fit in. I'm wary. You know, don't shit where you eat or whatever.

Maybe I just need some balls.

Go for it! Jobs come and go, but bitches....well they come and go too. Shit. Fuck my response.

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How do I go for it? I mean, here is a girl whom I have asked to hang out with me and mutual friends, and she refuses to do that. So I feel like she won't be inclined to want to go on a date with me when its just the two of us.

And to be honest, I feel this girl is really awesome, but its kind of a shitty feeling when you think about the fact that you only see the person when they need help studying. And me, being really into this girl, always says to myself that its ok because I will get to spend some time with her, and perhaps maybe take it to the next level. But that never happens. I help her study, then the next day she sends me a text saying "I really want to take a nap" and then the following day she asks me when I'm going to be in the library. This has been going on for several weeks now and part of me feels like this frustrating cycle will continue itself unless I either a) flat out tell her that I'm into her (which from my past experience, is a recipe for disaster) or B just forget about her and move on.

Just ask her to go hang out in a situation that does not involve your friends. The idea of going to hang out at a bar with your friends is probably very off putting to her because no girl wants to go with a bunch of dudes to a bar. She probably gets the impression that you guys are all going out to drink and hit on girls and you want her to "tag along." Not great. Even worse, she may have the idea that you are trying to set her up with one of your friends, or show her off. IF she is into you, she is not down for that.

Soooo, here's what I suggest. Next time she texts you randomly, text and ask her if she wants to go grab a coffee/lunch. The beauty of the text is that if she ignores it you know she is probably not interested, and you can act like it never happened in person.

Lunches are always great first dates. NOT TOO SERIOUS. Also, this is important, but before you go to the register or maybe in a text before hand, or outside. Sometime before the meal. ASK her if you can buy her lunch/coffee. Her response will give you a decent idea of what she is expecting. If it's a quick "yes." That gives you an idea that she kind of expected it, which is good because she showed up expecting it. If it's a hesitant "sure" or "aww you don't have to do that", then you may have just tipped her off to your intentions, which is also good because you can gauge her response for the rest of the time. Go ahead and insist if she says that. If it's a flat out, "no thanks, i got it" go ahead and let her pay for her own, and just know that she is probably not interested.

Also, have a "second stage" queued up just in case lunch goes well. For example, let's say you guys have a good time, she's laughing, you're funny. As you're talking ask her if she would want to go to the park (or anything really) to hang out, or go somewhere else because you heard they have great dessert.

LAstly, and most importantly, the tricky part is that you must at some point during this time period assert that you are interested. Verbally. Shit. That sucks I know, but the risk here is that if you don't, you may end up in the friend zone (which you may already be nearing that border anyways). The thing is, when girls and guys are friends, they naturally flirt a little, so flirting will not cut it unless the flirting is like, "Nice rack, let's fuck." Which it usually isn't, and if it is, that's verbal confirmation. So there's good news. Usually at this point you have a pretty good idea, based on her letting you pay, the time you had, and all that, if she is interested. So maybe a simple, "Can I buy you dinner sometime?" or "Can I take you out to dinner sometime?" should give you a good idea. But just take it easy and don't call/text a whole lot after that first date.

Good luck.

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I went on a date with a girl and she texted me "thanks again" (after thanking me when I dropped her off) before I even made it home. Is this a sign of clinginess?

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no^... are you just looking for an easy out? did you even kiss? doesn't sound like it. sounds like she is being polite. stop looking for an out and stick with it.

Why the hell do people post pictures of girls they are interested on the internet? I know the chances of her coming across it are virtually nil, but I think there is something weird about posting someone else's picture on a message board to ask for advice on how to get them. Anyways.

I've been really into this one girl at my school for about the past 3 months or so. When I say I'm into her, I mean that I would be all means love to engage in intercourse with her, but more than that I just like being around her because she's hilarious and always engages with me in some great conversations. However, she absolutely refuses to hang out with me outside of anything school-related. I've spent HOURS tutoring this girl for a class that she was really struggling with. I give her all my notes, recorded lectures, advice for exams etc. While studying we take a break and for awhile I get to experience what she's like when she's not talking about school. And I'm really into her.

It's not even like I asked her out "on a date". She refuses to come out with me and my friends because she's not so much into the bar scene anymore. Which is fine, there are other things we can do. But today I ran into her in the elevator and she said she was heading out to bar with her roommate. I guess that would be a hint that maybe she finds me annoying, or is just using me since I'm good at pharmacology.

But then sometimes I feel like there is a glimmer hope. She will text me randomly and say things like "ahh i have such a headache" or "i'm starving!". Maybe I'm reading too into it, but I feel that kind of shit is sometimes just an excuse to talk to someone. She also like touches my arm casually sometimes. Like I will say something funny and she will crack up and kind of touch my forearm for a second. It's just one of her mannerisms, she might do it with everyone, I'm not sure.

Another thing: she just got out of apparently a horrendous 5 year relationship about 6 months ago. Her ex-boyfriend is a psychopath. Maybe it's too soon and she just wants the single life for awhile? I wonder if there is a way around that.

That's all I have to say. Thank you.

whatever you do, do NOT ask her out on a date like the person below your post said to do. since you said she doesn't "seem" to be that into you, don't be THAT into to her either... why? she has given you no reason to put yourself out there. just be strong, be you and be a man. AKA when she flirts, definitely do it back. be casual, respond to her texts in a witty way when you can (and maybe at times, wait a bit, like 10-15 minutes, between texts). also, if she is touchy, be touchy too, but in a playful/cute/flirty way and not too strong.

wait for a good sign where you think she is starting to dig you hard. mostly just be confident and be friendly and cool with her and she'll prob end up diggin on you or she wont. by the sounds of it, you aren't lookin for a "hook up" anyways, so, if you are going to "get with" this chick, your best bet is to be you, and see if she is diggin on it.

good luck

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Just ask her to go hang out in a situation that does not involve your friends. The idea of going to hang out at a bar with your friends is probably very off putting to her because no girl wants to go with a bunch of dudes to a bar. She probably gets the impression that you guys are all going out to drink and hit on girls and you want her to "tag along." Not great. Even worse, she may have the idea that you are trying to set her up with one of your friends, or show her off. IF she is into you, she is not down for that.

Soooo, here's what I suggest. Next time she texts you randomly, text and ask her if she wants to go grab a coffee/lunch. The beauty of the text is that if she ignores it you know she is probably not interested, and you can act like it never happened in person.

Lunches are always great first dates. NOT TOO SERIOUS. Also, this is important, but before you go to the register or maybe in a text before hand, or outside. Sometime before the meal. ASK her if you can buy her lunch/coffee. Her response will give you a decent idea of what she is expecting. If it's a quick "yes." That gives you an idea that she kind of expected it, which is good because she showed up expecting it. If it's a hesitant "sure" or "aww you don't have to do that", then you may have just tipped her off to your intentions, which is also good because you can gauge her response for the rest of the time. Go ahead and insist if she says that. If it's a flat out, "no thanks, i got it" go ahead and let her pay for her own, and just know that she is probably not interested.

Also, have a "second stage" queued up just in case lunch goes well. For example, let's say you guys have a good time, she's laughing, you're funny. As you're talking ask her if she would want to go to the park (or anything really) to hang out, or go somewhere else because you heard they have great dessert.

LAstly, and most importantly, the tricky part is that you must at some point during this time period assert that you are interested. Verbally. Shit. That sucks I know, but the risk here is that if you don't, you may end up in the friend zone (which you may already be nearing that border anyways). The thing is, when girls and guys are friends, they naturally flirt a little, so flirting will not cut it unless the flirting is like, "Nice rack, let's fuck." Which it usually isn't, and if it is, that's verbal confirmation. So there's good news. Usually at this point you have a pretty good idea, based on her letting you pay, the time you had, and all that, if she is interested. So maybe a simple, "Can I buy you dinner sometime?" or "Can I take you out to dinner sometime?" should give you a good idea. But just take it easy and don't call/text a whole lot after that first date.

Good luck.

BOOM. This is some great advice. Holy fuck, I didn't know Hitch was on the boreds. GOD DAMN.

hitch.jpg

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ASK her if you can buy her lunch/coffee. Her response will give you a decent idea of what she is expecting. If it's a quick "yes." That gives you an idea that she kind of expected it, which is good because she showed up expecting it. If it's a hesitant "sure" or "aww you don't have to do that", then you may have just tipped her off to your intentions, which is also good because you can gauge her response for the rest of the time. Go ahead and insist if she says that. If it's a flat out, "no thanks, i got it" go ahead and let her pay for her own, and just know that she is probably not interested.

I've offered to pay even if I like the guy! But I'll still let him if he insists, or say something like I'll get it next time, so at least he knows I'd be down to go out again. But the "no thanks, I got it" is right on for me. If I don't like the guy I won't take ANYTHING from him.

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Just ask her to go hang out in a situation that does not involve your friends. The idea of going to hang out at a bar with your friends is probably very off putting to her because no girl wants to go with a bunch of dudes to a bar. She probably gets the impression that you guys are all going out to drink and hit on girls and you want her to "tag along." Not great. Even worse, she may have the idea that you are trying to set her up with one of your friends, or show her off. IF she is into you, she is not down for that.

Soooo, here's what I suggest. Next time she texts you randomly, text and ask her if she wants to go grab a coffee/lunch. The beauty of the text is that if she ignores it you know she is probably not interested, and you can act like it never happened in person.

Lunches are always great first dates. NOT TOO SERIOUS. Also, this is important, but before you go to the register or maybe in a text before hand, or outside. Sometime before the meal. ASK her if you can buy her lunch/coffee. Her response will give you a decent idea of what she is expecting. If it's a quick "yes." That gives you an idea that she kind of expected it, which is good because she showed up expecting it. If it's a hesitant "sure" or "aww you don't have to do that", then you may have just tipped her off to your intentions, which is also good because you can gauge her response for the rest of the time. Go ahead and insist if she says that. If it's a flat out, "no thanks, i got it" go ahead and let her pay for her own, and just know that she is probably not interested.

Also, have a "second stage" queued up just in case lunch goes well. For example, let's say you guys have a good time, she's laughing, you're funny. As you're talking ask her if she would want to go to the park (or anything really) to hang out, or go somewhere else because you heard they have great dessert.

LAstly, and most importantly, the tricky part is that you must at some point during this time period assert that you are interested. Verbally. Shit. That sucks I know, but the risk here is that if you don't, you may end up in the friend zone (which you may already be nearing that border anyways). The thing is, when girls and guys are friends, they naturally flirt a little, so flirting will not cut it unless the flirting is like, "Nice rack, let's fuck." Which it usually isn't, and if it is, that's verbal confirmation. So there's good news. Usually at this point you have a pretty good idea, based on her letting you pay, the time you had, and all that, if she is interested. So maybe a simple, "Can I buy you dinner sometime?" or "Can I take you out to dinner sometime?" should give you a good idea. But just take it easy and don't call/text a whole lot after that first date.

Good luck.

I rarely agree with the advice in this thread, but this is great. smile.gif Especially the tactful way to agree on who is paying, and clearly stating your intentions. Most guys aren't clear up front, or try to communicate with a kiss (which could mean anything from "I want a hook up" to "I want a relationship" and anything in between). Verbally stating your interest is tasteful, clear and gets the job done. Great post.

One thing, and maybe this is just me, I think the lunch idea is much better than coffee. To me, "want to grab a coffee?" sounds like "I have some time to kill in my schedule, want to waste time with me?" and lunch sounds more like a plan you made for her.

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BOOM. This is some great advice. Holy fuck, I didn't know Hitch was on the boreds. GOD DAMN.

hitch.jpg

Thanks, I have thought about posting more in here. Not because I am an expert or anything, but I am successfully married, had some good and bad experiences with dating.

I've offered to pay even if I like the guy! But I'll still let him if he insists, or say something like I'll get it next time, so at least he knows I'd be down to go out again. But the "no thanks, I got it" is right on for me. If I don't like the guy I won't take ANYTHING from him.

Yeah, it's not a full proof plan, but the manner in which you say no or yes can give him a hint if he's looking for it. Girls will also take free meals if they are not interested at all, especially on the spot. That's why I would recommend the text beforehand to give the girl plenty of time to understand the implications of the offer. If a guy randomly decides to pay at the register that could mean he's just being polite, dudes do this for each other all the time so it's not a big deal and could just be a friend thing. But if a guy intentionally asks you BEFOREHAND if he can buy you lunch, that's pretty obvious to the woman that it's a date, and she "should" to respond accordingly.

Another sticking point is if she says she has other plans because that could mean she isn't interested, or she legitimately does have other plans. A follow-up to that would be, "maybe some other time then?" If her response is something along the lines of, "maybe" or "sure" that's probably not a good sign and she will probably cop out again. If she says a definite "yes" you're good to go.

I rarely agree with the advice in this thread, but this is great. smile.gif Especially the tactful way to agree on who is paying, and clearly stating your intentions. Most guys aren't clear up front, or try to communicate with a kiss (which could mean anything from "I want a hook up" to "I want a relationship" and anything in between). Verbally stating your interest is tasteful, clear and gets the job done. Great post.

One thing, and maybe this is just me, I think the lunch idea is much better than coffee. To me, "want to grab a coffee?" sounds like "I have some time to kill in my schedule, want to waste time with me?" and lunch sounds more like a plan you made for her.

I agree, lunch is much more solid. Coffee might get you into the friend zone if you're not intentional about selling yourself as interested.

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personally i think paying for her lunch sets the wrong tone of what type of person you are...

and I'm a very generous person with my friends and girlfriend.

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What kind of tone? That you're a gentleman, who makes enough money to treat a lady right? That you have a job? That you're generous? What a horrible tone for a person to present...

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Thanks, I have thought about posting more in here. Not because I am an expert or anything, but I am successfully married, had some good and bad experiences with dating.

Please do post more in here. It's nice to see some advice that doesn't amount to rehashed pick-up artist tips on how to hook up on the first date...

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What kind of tone? That you're a gentleman, who makes enough money to treat a lady right? That you have a job? That you're generous? What a horrible tone for a person to present...

that your willing to pay for a girl you barely know??? It's a little forward if you ask me.

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